Bigfoot Hunting
by Kamkats
Summary: Inspired by an NFL Superbowl commercial from last year. Just read it to find out what I'm talking about. Silliness warning.


John Gage and Roy DeSoto were out hunting; hunting for Bigfoot.

"I'm 'onna catch me a Bigfoot tonight, baby!" Johnny shouted, holding a bow and arrow, and dressed in complete camouflage. Roy huffed and shoved Johnny to the ground next to him. They were peering over a downed tree, into the woods.

"Shhh! He'll hear you." Roy chastised the noisy paramedic.

"How do you know it's a 'he'?"

"I don't know, the same way you tell guys apart from girls."

"It's getting harder than ever these days."

"I think 'she' Bigfoots have higher-pitched voices."

"Maybe we should ask him."

"No! he'll eat us!" Roy snapped.

Johnny shrugged. He adjusted his hunter's cap; it was fancifully decorated with duct-taped-on ferns and dirt. His bow and arrow was homemade and he was very proud of it. Roy was holding a shotgun and was ready to pump it and fire whenever.

"Okay, here's the plan," Johnny started, "We tackle Bigfoot, take the selfie and then get the hell out." Roy nodded; sounded like a good plan. To be honest with himself, Roy didn't even know why he had agreed to do this with his paramedic partner. Maybe because Johnny had made a bet with Chet Kelly, the wager being over one-hundred dollars. Chet had said:

"I'll pay you one-hundred dollars if you can go out into the woods and take a selfie with Bigfoot. If you can't, then you pay up. Shake?"

Johnny, being the Johnny-logical and impetuous fool he was, shook hands, and then blinked confusedly. "Wait what?"

So, here they were: out in the sticks with only a bow and an arrow, a shotgun, and their own wits about them; well, Roy's wits anyway.

Suddenly, Johnny jerked.

"There he is!" he hissed. Roy widened his eyes and got out his iPhone.

"One, two, three," Johnny counted, his eyes on the tall figure of Bigfoot in the distance, "HUT!" he cried, jumping over the log and rushing over to Bigfoot.

He tackled the beast and sat next to it with Roy. With Bigfoot between them, the two paramedics held up their iPhones and grinned, taking pictures of themselves. After that, they got the hell out. After Bigfoot recovered from the flash, he shook his head and chased after the two rowdy paramedics, roaring.

"Run, run, run!" Johnny chanted, dropping his bow and arrow. Roy dropped his shotgun and raised his hands in the air, running. Bigfoot chased them relentlessly, but got tackled by two other hunters. Chet and Marco sat the dazed Bigfoot between them and grinned, taking pictures of themselves with the beast, with their iPhones. After that, they got the hell out. Bigfoot chased the two linemen and roared in anger. Could he not get a break from these guts-filled-football-watching-typical-men?

Suddenly, the beast got tackled by two more firemen. Hank and Mike both took selfies of themselves with the beast.

"Cheese!" they said, grinning. There was a flash and Bigfoot was momentarily blinded. He gave up on chasing the men, for fear of getting tackled again; man, those firemen were strong.

"Hahaha." Johnny laughed, looking at the photo he got on his iPhone. Roy snorted at his own photo and looked up as Mike and Hank approached them in hunting wear.

"What are you doing here?" Johnny said, truly mystified. Hank twisted his lip in amusement.

"We took Chet up on his bet and got a selfie with Bigfoot."

"Shut up, no way." Johnny gasped, holding up his iPhone to show the captain his own selfie. Hank held up his own iPhone and laughed. Mike chuckled and shared his photo too. Chet and Marco emerged from the bushes and widened their eyes at the firemen.

"You too, huh?" Roy asked. Chet smirked.

"All in good fun, my friend."

The firemen sat in a circle, looking down at their iPhones and laughing.

"Man, we should do this more often." Johnny noted.

Suddenly, a roar sounded form behind them and Bigfoot came rushing down the hill.

"Run!" Hank cried. The firemen bolted as Bigfoot pursued them.

"So, what did you guys do on your day off?" Dixie McCall asked Roy and Johnny when they stopped by Rampart the next day to pick up supplies.

"We hunted Bigfoot and took selfies with him." Johnny said bluntly.

Dixie frowned. "Okaaaayyyy…."

Suddenly, a roar sounded from down the hall, and Bigfoot came rushing at the paramedics. They screamed and ran to the elevator.

Dixie blinked and shook her head.

"Man, this job is really starting to get to me. I'm starting to hallucinate."


End file.
